5 Signs Its Lust and Not Love

The initial stages of any attraction is  Lust. Its the liking towards the curves, body and the dream to sleep with the person which drives you into pursuing  the person  you are attracted to. You might think its love, but it’s actually Lust. Lust magnifies the  physical activity and does not take care of the emotional part of any relationship. And once the Lust wears of its shine, the relationship  also wears off.

“Lust is a mysterious wound in the side of humanity; or rather, at the very source of its life! To confound this lust in man with that desire which unites the sexes is like confusing a tumor with the very organ which it devours, a tumor whose very deformity horribly reproduces the shape. Georges Bernanos”

However real love is beyond all the physical attraction and the desire to mate. It is the emotional connection one finds with another person, the meeting of the heart, the willingness to do anything to make the other person happy.

So what are the key signs which  indicates that the relationship which you think is LOVE is actually LUST.

  1. You always dressed to impress your partner. Dressed impeccably, polished shoes, following the latest trends, and always looking to impress your partner with your fashion sense is a sure sign that the relationship you are in is Lustful. Women put on the perfect make up, wear clothes which highlight their body. Men are well groomed and in their best suit. The reason is that you don’t want your partner to see you otherwise. The relationship is superficial.

2. Find shortage of topics to talk about. When your mind is always focused on SEX, then you don’t have many topics to speak about.  There is no sharing of feelings, dreams and the problems you are facing. In fact you are uncomfortable sharing this with your partner. The relationship has not reached a point where sharing of feelings and thoughts are normal. When it comes to Love , the emotional connect is important. Lust is just a shallow relationship focused only one thing.

3. It does not accept imperfections. Lust magnifies  only the goodness in the person and disregards the imperfections in a person. Since you put the person you desire on a pedestal , you feel that person can do no wrong. However when you are truly in love, you accept the persons imperfections. You accept the fact that they can be wrong sometimes. Its this realization which makes love blossom. You don’t care about the physical relationship, but what lies inside the person beyond the appearance.  That is what True love is. Otherwise it is Lust

4. Majority of Your time together is spent on making love.  Since there is very less conversation time, most of the time is spent on being physically intimate.All the activities you do end up in only one thing , i.e. Sex. Most of the time in such kind of relationship Sex is the only way they expressed their feelings. Most the memories of your relationship don’t go beyond your bedroom. That’s the place you spend most of the time.  You don’t go on dates or any public space.

5. No plans for future. In a lustful relationship you will tell the person how beautiful  they are, but when it comes to commitment, you are tight lipped. You have not thought about the future—Kids, House, Sharing money.

The fact remains that  a relationship based on Lust has a very short shelf life. Once the physical aspect wears out and the bed is broken , the relationship is also broken.

Railway Tracks Distance and Marriage

The Distance between two railway tracks is 143.5 cms. What a absurd measurement. Why couldn’t it be a good round figure like 150 cms. The reason of the measurement being absurd is due to the fact that when they first building railway tracks they used the same tools which was used for making horse drawn carriages. And the reason for that absurd measurement is because the road the horse carriages used to travel was 143.5 cms. So who decided this distance. On further research you will know that the measurement of 143.5 cms was decided by  our great road builders the Romans. The reason is that during Roman times the carriage was driven by two horses and when they put two horses side by side the distance was 143.5 cms. So the measurement remained.

The distance between the tracks on which our state of the art trains run now has been determined by Romans. So wherever people went to build railroads , it never occurred to them that the measurement should be changed. This even effected our space program. The scientists wanted to build wider fuel tanks, but since they were transported to the space centre by train, the tunnels could not not transport wide fuel tanks and so the size of the fuel tanks became small.

But what has all this got to do with marriage.

Just like the absurd measurement of the railway track, people or the societal norms decided that when two people get married they must frozen in a distance for time immemorial. Even if sometime one of you might want to move forward a little or want to get closer a little, this was against the rules made by the society. The rules which was drawn by the society was “ Think about your children, think about your family, think about what other people will say”. You cant change, you must be like two railway tracks that remain the same distance all the way from the start of the marriage and till one of the partners die. The rules don’t allow the love to change or to grow –it is too dangerous people say. And so after the enthusiastic first few years, we fall into the monotony of married life. Sam process, same monotony , day after day and year after year. Somehow your purpose in life is to maintain the distance of 143.5 cms throught your married life. It does not matter if  you are not happy with the arrangement, the distance can never be changed. Even though you might be unhappy, you have to think of the children you bought in this world, your parents, your neighbours, your friends, your social circle.

Think of your neighbours. Show them you are happy, eat good food, keep yourself up-to-date with the latest serials and help the community. Think of the society, dress in your Sunday best all the time , so that everyone knows what a perfect life you have. At the se times you cannot be seen looking sideways, because you are forever afraid on what people will think and this could bring in depression and temptation. This could mean disaster. Smile in all the photos. Put that photos in every room of the house. Update your facebook profile every day, change your wats app status, tweet your happiness and post happy quotes in Instagram. All this have become the measure for people to understand hpow happy your life is. Mow you lawn and do practice a sport because that’s what the society has determined as key performance indicators of your happy married life. Do every to show others how happy you are , but do not forget that the rules for happy married life was determined by the society many years ago and you are just following what has been prescribed to you. The rules have to be respected and followed just like the way distance between the railway tracks were determined by the Romans

Practicing Compassion and Love towards Others

Practice is not something you do for a couple of weeks. Some Buddhist texts even say that enlightenment is only achieved after performing meritorious acts and developing wisdom for three periods of countless eons. If you consider this statement properly , it can encourage you to adopt a patient , persistent attitude through difficult times. If learning this saddens you , this could be a good sing that you wish to achieve progress swiftly out of your great concern for others, but it could also be a sign of insufficient courage. We all need to keep in mind that transformation of inner attitudes cannot be attained without working hard at it. To believe otherwise might mean we are harboring a form of selfishness.

A gradual approach is far better than trying to jump too high too soon: Otherwise there is a great risk of trying to practice a technique for which you are not prepared. It is not easy to have an intense bond with each and every being, so do not be discouraged if biased attitudes interrupt your practice. You will need the courage to put forth an unwavering effort thought your life. Such profound transformation cannot take place overnight or in a month, or even a year. However you will gradually notice changes in your reactions to individuals and the world. When old reactions creep back in, do not mistake this for failure, but take such incidents as prods to more practice.

If you practice sincerely, you will experience its real value. Under no circumstances should you lose hope. Hopelessness is the real cause of failure. Do not give up. If you are pessimistic, you cannot possible succeed, so do not be discouraged. It would be foolish to give up. You can overcome any problem. On those occasions when you feel most hopeless, you must make an especially powerful effort. We are so accustomed to faulty states of mind that it is difficult to change with just a little patience. Just a drop of something sweet cannot change a taste that is bitter. We must persist in the face of failure. If you are hopeful and determined, you will always find some measure of success.

With inner calm , even external confusion and complication will have little effect on your mind. But if your mind gives way to anger, then even when the world is peaceful and comfortable, peaceof mind will elude you. There was monk who was imprisoned in jail for many years. While speaking to a friend he mentioned that in those 18 years he faced grave danger. His friend thought when he said “ grave danger “, it meant for his life was in danger. But the friend said the grave danger he was faced was to loose compassion against his enemies. Most of us would have felt proud to tell others how angry we got, as if this made us some kind of hero. But the monk knew the true danger he was facing was within himself.

You may be rich, powerful and well educated, but without healthy feelings of kindness and compassion there will be no peace within yourself and no peace within your family. Kindness is essential to mankind.

Cultivating an attitude of compassion is a slow process. As you gradually internalize it day by day and year by year, wild states of mind become less and less frequent. Like a bid piece of ice in the water, you mass of problems will gradually melt away. As you transform your mind, you will transform your surroundings since others will see the benefits of your practice of tolerance and love, and will work at bringing these practice’s into their own lives.

Education in compassion

All human beings want happiness and do now want suffering and  use many different ways to remove suffering. It does not matter whether one is religious or not ,but we tend to seek a way to lessen our suffering, so that we can find happiness. Sometime we even tend to take on pan as a means to overcome suffering and gain a measure of happiness.

Everyone tries to remove superficial pain, but there is another class of techniques concerned with removing suffering on a deeper level. Spiritual practice is the deeper type. These techniques involve in adjustment of attitude, and adjustment of your thoughts in a beneficial way. This means that by adjusting counterproductive attitudes, you are held back from a particular kind of suffering and are thereby freed from it. Spiritual education protects or holds you and others back from misery.

After first understanding your won situation and then seeking to hold yourself back from suffering you extend your realization to other beings and develop compassion, dedicating yourself to holding others back from suffering. It makes practical sense for you, just one being, to opt for taking care of many, you also make yourself happier. Compassion diminishes fears about your own and increases your own inner strength. It gives you a sense of empowerment of being able to accomplish your tasks .It lends encouragement.

Lot of times when you are in pain and if you see someone else who has more pain and suffering tan you, you tend to forget your own pain. The reason this happens if because, you tend to value your pain less as compared to others. Compassion helps strengthen your outlook and with that courage you become more relaxed.

Aristotles Theorey on Anger

The philosopher Aristotle discusses anger at great length. In the Nicomachean Ethics, he says that a good-tempered person can sometimes get angry, but only as he ought to. Such a person, he continues, might get angry too soon or not enough, yet still be praised for being good-tempered. It is only if he deviates more markedly from the mean with respect to anger that he becomes blameworthy, either ‘irascible’ at one extreme or ‘lacking in spirit’ at the other. 

For in everything it is no easy task to find the middle … anyone can get angry—that is easy—or give or spend money; but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive, and in the right way, that is not for everyone, nor is it easy; wherefore goodness is both rare and laudable and noble.

In the Rhetoric, Aristotle defines anger as an impulse, accompanied by pain, to a conspicuous revenge for a conspicuous slight that has been directed either at the person himself or at his friends. He adds that the pain of anger can be accompanied by pleasure arising from the expectation of revenge. I’m not so sure. Even if anger does contain a part of pleasure, this a very thin kind of pleasure, akin to whatever ‘pleasure’ I might derive from saying “if you ruin my day, I’ll ruin yours” or “look how big I think I am”.

A person, says Aristotle, can be slighted out of one of three things: contempt, spite, and insolence. In either case, the slight betrays the offender’s feelings that the slighted person is obviously of no importance. The slighted person may or may not get angry but is more likely to do so if he is in distress—for example, in poverty or in love—or if he feels insecure about the subject of the slight or about himself in general.

On the other hand, he is less likely to get angry if the slight is involuntary, unintentional, or itself provoked by anger, or if the offender apologises or humbles himself before him and behaves like his inferior. Even dogs, says Aristotle, do not bite sitting people. The slighted person is also less likely to get angry if the offender has done him more kindnesses than he has returned, or obviously respects him, or is feared or admired by him.

Once provoked, anger can be quelled by the feeling that the slight is deserved, by the passage of time, by the exaction of revenge, by the suffering of the offender, or by being redirected onto a third person. Thus, although angrier at Ergophilius than Callisthenes, the people acquitted Ergophilius because they had already condemned Callisthenes to death. Writing two thousand years before the birth of psychoanalysis, Aristotle seems to have put his finger on the ego defense of displacement, with the people’s anger for Ergophilius ‘displaced’ onto Callisthenes.

There is a clear sense in which Aristotle is correct in speaking of such a thing as right or proper anger. Anger can serve a number of useful, even vital, functions. It can put an end to a bodily, emotional, or social threat, or, failing that, it can mobilize mental and physical resources for defensive or restitutive action. If judiciously exercised, it can enable a person to signal high social status, compete for rank and position, ensure that contracts and promises are fulfilled, and even inspire positive feelings such as respect and sympathy. A person who is able to exercise anger judiciously is likely to feel better about himself, more in control, more optimistic, and more prone to the sort of risk-taking that promotes successful outcomes.