So anger is one of the subjects I write about while in anger.Sarcasm intentionally intended. I have been trying to take away anger from life and that’s the reason I tried writing about it. But the more I try to control my anger the more I get angry especially when I think of the people who hurt me. These people and incidents come in my mind on and off. Every time I think about them or the incidents, I see myself talking to myself in anger. I am not sure why I do that. Those people mean nothing to me, yet when I think of the hurt they caused I see myself getting angry. I have this fictional conversation with them where I am getting angry at them.
I dont know what gets into me when I think of them and why they are coming into my thoughts. Sometimes I feel that I have made a list of all the enemies in my list and I go back to the list every time when I am alone. Its like the list of people who I feel have wronged and I go back to the list, bash them and go back to my real world feeling happy about myself. Maybe such things have affected me so much that I am unable to let it go.
So when are the times I dont get this flash of anger.
- I dont think about it , when I am busy. Maybe thats the thing I should do. I should make myself so busy that I dont have time to think about anything. Get my focus right.
- I should spend more time with my family. Lot of things to be done when I am with them. I dont have time to think about the people who have angered me.
- Exercise. I feel when I am doing this, I Feel my muscles more than those who angered me.
- Cleaning house might help me. Its like a good therapy taking dirt away from the house is like cleansing my mind.
- Cooking might help. I am sure I dont want to myself distracted with the past and spoil the dish.
There are lot of things which can be done, but the fact remains is that if the Anger is there inside me then I have to find a way to deal with it. So maybe the anger from the past needs to be erased. Maybe I should understand that Life is not permanent and things can change. I feel the more I get angry , more worse person I become. So I want to wait for it to pass away.